Hectic Knife makes our heads explode – OAM#014

Today we dive deep into the ultra-low budget splatter superhero comedy Hectic Knife. Peter Litvin plays Hectic Knife who uses the martial style of Hectic Knife to stab bad guys and pursue Piggly Doctor, a villain that blows up children. We didn’t think it could get that weird, but it did. Afterwards we play a quick round of Made-Up-Movies and reflect on our decision to continue the podcast.

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King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table sucks and Star Wars is dead – OAM#013

Another day another bad movie, in this case two bad movies. Asylum’s King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table confuses everyone with its modern day take on the classic tale of the time-traveling incestous sorcerress Morgana and her son Mordred. Afterwards we introduce a new segment called Dishonorable Mention where we rant about Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

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New Year’s Evil wasn’t that evil – OAM#012

New Year's Evil OAM Episode 12

We watched New Year’s Evil: a slasher without the slashing, a murder mystery without the mystery and a weird panty hose chewing Grant Cramer. Roz Kelly is a workaholic single mom hosting Hollywood Hotline, a totally 80s New Year’s TV special. The show gets off to a rocky start when a mysterious caller confesses his new year’s resolution is to kill at midnight. Hi-jinks ensue as a bland killer kills bland people for convoluted reasons and something about time-zones. After our review of New Year’s Evil we introduce a new annual segment, One Good Thing, where we briefly praise Brawl in Cell Block 99 and Spider-Man: Homecoming.

NEW YEAR’S EVIL – BAD MOVIE BREAKDOWN

  • The atmosphere oozed more 80’s than cocaine, chain wallets and hair-metal combined.
  • Failed to follow through with enough on-screen kills.
  • The decision to reveal the killer’s identity 10 minutes in left us baffled.
  • The voice-modulated phone calls are pure comedy gold.
  • Roz Kelly was as bland as a saltine cracker.
  • By far the second best movie we watched in 2017 for this podcast.
  • Grant Cramer’s world-class potrayal of Derrick the freak deserved more screen-time.
  • Surprised no-one with its “big” twist.
  • Killed our interest in New Year’s Eve themed cinema.
  • Entertained us for roughly two-thirds of its runtime.
  • The main characters actions consisted of staying inside of a hotel for the entire movie.

 

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Pottersville leaves a stain on a bunch of A-list actors resumes – OAM#011

We resume our month of awful holiday movies with Pottersville, a nonsensical film about furries, big foot and Christmas. Micheal Shannon, Ron Perlman, Judy Greer and more actors that shouldn’t be in this film get a paycheck to phone in their scenes. Even copious amounts of alcohol consumption couldn’t save us from the train-wreck known as Pottersville. After we spend 45 minutes covering that garbage we¬† play a game of Made-Up Movies where Danny slurs his words and Mark presents his dark Christmas vision.

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Dismembering Christmas makes us second guess this podcast – OAM#010

We both needed to imbibe alcohol after watching Slasher Studio’s Christmas flavored slasher, Dismembering Christmas. Despite their studio name there is a severe lack of slashing and instead we’re treated to what feels like a half-a-dozen off-screen kills and 67 minutes of high school drama. Could December get any worse? Apparently it can, This Week In Disappointment we discuss the Fox/Disney merger and what it’s going to be like without Net Neutrality. Be sure to grab some popcorn so you can throw it on the ground.

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Home Alone 4 shatters our Christmas spirit – OAM#009

We are horrified to inform you that we’ve watched Home Alone 4 AKA Home Alone: Taking Back The House. Nine weeks in and we don’t know how much longer the podcast can continue. Kevin McAllister and his family are body snatched and replaced with bad actors and worse writing in this insult to the original. After our childhood is ruined we complain about sequels in a new segment called This Week in Disappointment.

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Stonerville siphons our life essence – OAM#008

Danny requested a Pauly Shore movie and Mark made him regret it. Stonerville is a half-baked sex-comedy that truly deserves to be on this awful podcast. Fart jokes, racism and sexism can be found in abundance in this “Pauly Shore” flick. After Mark has a meltdown he reveals Only Awful Movie’s Christmas plans.

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Thank God for Thankskilling – OAM#007

In a departure from previous weeks we celebrate the holiday with the ultra-low budget slasher comedy Thankskilling. We discuss this awfully offensive good-bad movie that doesn’t overstay its welcome with a tight run time just over 60 minutes. Why can’t more terrible movies be this fun? After our Thankskilling review we take a look at Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s latest film, Rampage. Will this giant CGI animal filled movie make waves at the box office or sink like a rock?

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Ryde is the ride-sharing app horror movie nobody asked for – OAM#006

We grab our criticism filled shotguns and take aim at Ryde. In this direct-to-video horror film we learn ride-sharing apps can kill both people and screenplays. After our review of Ryde we tackle an IMDB conspiracy theory. How did Ryde get a 7.0 on IMDB? Somebody paid for it. Join us as we unravel this mystery and more in our angriest episode yet.

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