King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table sucks and Star Wars is dead – OAM#013

Another day another bad movie, in this case two bad movies. Asylum’s King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table confuses everyone with its modern day take on the classic tale of the time-traveling incestous sorcerress Morgana and her son Mordred. Afterwards we introduce a new segment called Dishonorable Mention where we rant about Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

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New Year’s Evil wasn’t that evil – OAM#012

New Year's Evil OAM Episode 12

We watched New Year’s Evil: a slasher without the slashing, a murder mystery without the mystery and a weird panty hose chewing Grant Cramer. Roz Kelly is a workaholic single mom hosting Hollywood Hotline, a totally 80s New Year’s TV special. The show gets off to a rocky start when a mysterious caller confesses his new year’s resolution is to kill at midnight. Hi-jinks ensue as a bland killer kills bland people for convoluted reasons and something about time-zones. After our review of New Year’s Evil we introduce a new annual segment, One Good Thing, where we briefly praise Brawl in Cell Block 99 and Spider-Man: Homecoming.

NEW YEAR’S EVIL – BAD MOVIE BREAKDOWN

  • The atmosphere oozed more 80’s than cocaine, chain wallets and hair-metal combined.
  • Failed to follow through with enough on-screen kills.
  • The decision to reveal the killer’s identity 10 minutes in left us baffled.
  • The voice-modulated phone calls are pure comedy gold.
  • Roz Kelly was as bland as a saltine cracker.
  • By far the second best movie we watched in 2017 for this podcast.
  • Grant Cramer’s world-class potrayal of Derrick the freak deserved more screen-time.
  • Surprised no-one with its “big” twist.
  • Killed our interest in New Year’s Eve themed cinema.
  • Entertained us for roughly two-thirds of its runtime.
  • The main characters actions consisted of staying inside of a hotel for the entire movie.

 

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Pottersville leaves a stain on a bunch of A-list actors resumes – OAM#011

We resume our month of awful holiday movies with Pottersville, a nonsensical film about furries, big foot and Christmas. Micheal Shannon, Ron Perlman, Judy Greer and more actors that shouldn’t be in this film get a paycheck to phone in their scenes. Even copious amounts of alcohol consumption couldn’t save us from the train-wreck known as Pottersville. After we spend 45 minutes covering that garbage we¬† play a game of Made-Up Movies where Danny slurs his words and Mark presents his dark Christmas vision.

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Dismembering Christmas makes us second guess this podcast – OAM#010

We both needed to imbibe alcohol after watching Slasher Studio’s Christmas flavored slasher, Dismembering Christmas. Despite their studio name there is a severe lack of slashing and instead we’re treated to what feels like a half-a-dozen off-screen kills and 67 minutes of high school drama. Could December get any worse? Apparently it can, This Week In Disappointment we discuss the Fox/Disney merger and what it’s going to be like without Net Neutrality. Be sure to grab some popcorn so you can throw it on the ground.

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Stonerville siphons our life essence – OAM#008

Danny requested a Pauly Shore movie and Mark made him regret it. Stonerville is a half-baked sex-comedy that truly deserves to be on this awful podcast. Fart jokes, racism and sexism can be found in abundance in this “Pauly Shore” flick. After Mark has a meltdown he reveals Only Awful Movie’s Christmas plans.

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#Horror hashtag sucks – OAM #002


From the depths of Netflix we found #Horror. A confusing movie about a group of mean girls cyber bullying each other until it goes too far. Don’t miss mexican stand-offs with children, a bad dad going mad and the horrors of white privilege in #Horror.

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Wishing we didn’t watch Wish Upon – OAM #001

In our first episode of Only Awful Movies we cover Hollywood’s terrible attempt to relate to teens in the film Wish Upon. In the second half of the podcast we introduce the segment Trailer Trash, where we take a look at the upcoming film Happy Death Day. And we close out our inaugural episode with a brief explanation of why we watch awful movies.

 

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